Riches and Bitches: I have a gate to an isekai and leveling-up system!

Chapter 384 The true self

I was lost.

The trip that I hoped to take less than a week was slowly approaching that timeline... with all three of us stuck in the very same place where Fay decided to hit the breaks.

For the last five days, I failed to figure it out. I failed to make a breakthrough.

No matter how long and hard I thought, researched, and focused on my inner state, I just failed to make any sense of what was going on.

After all sorts of tests and extremely detailed observation of both Fay's and Claudy's aura weave and how the starlight reacted with it... I've come to the simplest possible realization.

There was absolutely no difference in how those two absorbed the starlight permeating the air to how I did it! Or rather, to how it happened all on its own, just over the course of us breathing that air and being around it, to begin with.

The process of this light of stars infusing itself into us was exactly the same for the three of us... Claudy only grew nerdier than before, even going as far as to reveal he had a pocket dimension all so he could geek out on some scrolls. Fay became even brighter than ever, even making me believe, at times, that she outright fed herself off this strange and ungraspable aura.

And then, there was I, the surprisingly weak link of the group, incapable of tackling the issue in this very same light, making me feel as miserable as I only ever was back before turning my life around.

Even with Fay actively cuddling and pampering me up to keep my morale somewhat above the ground, I was pretty much reaching my limit.

'Between the pressure to figure it out, the exhaustion from thinking about the same thing for nearly a week, and then the physical exhaustion of sitting here for just as long...'

I thought only to shake my head, close my eyes, take a deep breath...

And start again.

Having nothing better but resiliency to offer, I just kept trying, over and over again, perfectly willing to go crazy over the issue, as long as it helped me to break through this strange, invisible barrier.

The barrier of inability that I couldn't even perceive, but which held me back from keeping up with the other two.,

After the third day spent waiting, the effects of the silvery light of stars started to show, greatly reinforcing both Fay's and Claudy's aura weave, even if Claudy needed a whole new day to achieve it.

Then, again, there was me, still stuck on the level of learning how to deal with this damned light, to begin with, holding the two of them back from rushing to regions where this light was more intense and thus more intense would be its benefits.

"Haaa..."

But it wasn't enough.

It wasn't enough to break the barrier that kept me stuck at the moment, with others advancing at a jealousy-inducing pace while I was not only stuck but also holding them back.

I could feel something in myself change, as if the world suddenly grew all the wider... while my vision, by expanding its scale, narrowed, and focused down.

And as my sense of self continued to crystalize, the same chant from before reoccurred in my head.

'Pan the camera out.'

And so, I did, completely breaking the link that connected me to all of those different, mental groups. Doing so came at the cost of losing my foundation in the logically sorted mix of all of those different views and ideas... but it also allowed me to ascend above it, rediscovering my real self amidst the endless ocean of mixing opinions.

From the stable construct of what's logically best, I freed myself from the shackles imposed on me by the lower levels of perception, stepping upon the realm where it was this rudimentary approach to perceiving the world that became the new foundation from which my new, real self came.

And as I translated this change to my perception into my current issue... I've finally realized it.

'They are advancing because they embraced what this silver light does for them,' I thought, casting a quick glance over to where Fay was napping on the couch.

For a second, my heart nearly rushed out of my chest, seeking the comfort of her warmth and closeness, the respite of hiding in her arms and sinking my face into her chest.

It was a desire strong enough to blast through our link...

'Oh right, there was the topic of that stupid ability of ours evolving,' I recalled, right as Fay twitched in her sleep, upset by the sudden sense of my existential dread.

I pulled my eyes away before they could turn into the source of doubt and hesitation.

To the side, Fay continued to rustle on the sofa, growing more and more uncomfortable with each passing second.

Daring not to distract myself any further, I took a deep breath and calmed my thoughts.

And then, as if finally reaching the toilet and sitting down, I relaxed my mental resistance, allowing the sense of endless, cold, and empty melancholy and lethargy to wash over me and fill up my soul, pushing aside all that existed outside of those two.

A wave of lethargy rushed over from one side, while the wave of sleepy melancholy hurried from the other side.

I heard rushed steps from somewhere nearby right as the control over my own body slipped out of my grasp. And with my consciousness lulled down to sleep by those two feelings that I've suppressed for so long, everything else simply ceased to matter.